Release
by redanitamarie
Summary: Summary: Rated M. Sometimes love is not enough. A SiriusLily story about finding what they need in eachother. Written in character, and cleverly so there is no betrayal to James.


**Release**

**Summary:** Sometimes love is not enough. A Sirius/Lily story about finding what they need in eachother. Sirius goes to the Three Broomsticks to drown himself in Firewhiskey after hearing about the death of his brother. He is alone, as James is dealing with a tragedy of his own. When he sees Regulus' murderer across the room, he struggles with the impusle to go and kill him, getting himself thrown in Azkaban...that is, until a familiar redhead joins said death eater and begins to flirt with him. Just what will Sirius do?

Sirius sat in the corner of the Three Broomsticks drinking Firewhiskey. There were dark circles under his eyes and he hadn't shaved in several days, roughening his usually boyishishly handsome face. He was staring acidly at a table across the room where Severus Snape had just sat down. He felt the anger boil up inside him, the Firewhiskey adding to his resolve to get the bastard alone and kill him.

It had only been two days since he had found out how his brother had died. He and Regulus had grown apart during their years at Hogwarts, but that didn't change the fact that he was his brother. No matter how much Sirius had wanted to curse him for his stupidity, he had still loved him. Now he was gone and there were no more chances for reconciliations, no more chances to talk sense into him. It was all Snape's fault!

Sirius was no longer rational. The hatred he felt for Snape as he stared across the room could no longer be held back. It consumed him. Just as he was about to cross the room and likely get himself sent to Azkaban, something stopped him.

A very familiar redhead had just sat across from Snape. She was smiling at him, talking avidly. Shock kept Sirius frozen in place as he watched the two quickly deep in conversation. What the fuck was she doing? Lily had broken up with James a few weeks earlier and Sirius hadn't seen her since. James had fallen apart and Sirius had spent his time trying to console him and get him out of his slump.

Is this why she had broken up with him? For _Snivellus_? Sirius felt instantly repulsed. He and Lily had been friends for a long time and he knew her very well. Dear sweet laughing Lily, yet here she was laughing with the death eater that had killed his brother. She didn't know about Regulus, but still, what the fuck was she thinking?

When he saw _Snivellus _get up and signal to Lily that he would be right back, Sirius jumped on his chance to get her away and crossed the room in an instant. She was startled by his sudden appearance and tried to break his grip when he grabbed he arm, but when she noticed the dark significant look in his smoky grey eyes, she gave in and let him lead her upstairs to a room where they could talk in private.

He shoved her into the room so roughly that she stumbled and he slammed the door behind them. He would never in his right mind want to hurt Lily, but the Firewhiskey and his anger towards Snape overwhelmed him. "What the fuck Lily?" he belowed, his voice so angry it was barely recognizable to her.

She was standing in the middle of the small room adjacent to the end of the bed, her eyes watering as she looked at him. Despite her obvious distress, she spoke back at him just as forcibly. "It's none of your business Sirius! This has nothing to do with you!"

He crossed the room in a flash, pushing her up against the back wall. He was so close to her she could smell the Firewhiskey on his breath. "So you're with _Snivellus_ now? Is that it? You fucking left James for a greasy death eater?" He backed away from her and started pacing, trying to control the impulse to hit her. Despite his current state he knew he could never forgive himself if he hurt her, no matter what she did, not even this.

Lily lowered her head and her brow furrowed "No!...I...I don't know..." she stopped seemingly unsure of what she wanted to say.

"It's not complicated Lily" he said accusingly, stopping his pacing and looking up at her again "Either you're fucking him or you're not."

Her voice was still uncertain as she spoke "I'm not...we've never...it's just..." She began crying audibly now, unable to continue.

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment and faught to control his breathing. He forced himself to calm down. She hadn't slept with Snape, that much was clear, but there was something seriously wrong here. He knew that she would never open up to him if he was ranting and raging at her.

She had sunk to the floor, her knees curled up against her chest. He kneeled beside her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder "Why?" was all he could think of saying, anger still slightly evident in his voice although his tone had softened.

"Sirius, I can't...it's just...you wouldn't understand. I'm not even sure I understand it..." He gently put his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Lily, if you think I'm unfamiliar with internal conflict, you really don't know me very well." He looked at her seriously "We've been friends for years now, haven't we? I can help you."

She shook her head, but her eyes stayed on his. Sirius noticed the longing in them, but also fear. "You're afraid I'll tell James?" He knew it was true as he said it, and she gave a small nod to confirm it. "I won't. I give you my word. Please, tell me what's going on with you."

She looked at him, the frightened look still evident in her eyes as she considered him. She _had_ known him for years. She knew she could trust him. As she though about his past and what he had been through, she realized he _was_ the most likely person to actually understand him.

She looked down at her knees as she spoke. "I love James. You know I do. It's just...James is so loving, so attentive, so good..." Sirius cut her off "And this is a problem for you?" He asked almost disbelievingly.

She gave only the slightest of nods and kept her eyes on her knees as she continued "It's just..." she sighed "there's just another part of me Sirius, a part of me that wants something different, more intense, rawer..." she bit her lip, seemingly thinking of another way to explain it.

Sirius considered her. "You mean you want to experience something darker, rougher, more intense; a passionate experience James could never give you?" She nodded, still unable to look at him in the eyes.

He got up suddenly and began pacing again. She watched him for a few moments before he spoke again "And you chose _Snape_?" the fury had returned in his voice. "Fucking _Snivellus_? A _death eater_! A _murderer_!"

Lily rose suddenly and looked at him defiantly "He's not a murderer! He has a different side to him..." She was cut off when Sirius pounded his fist into the wall beside her, his eyes furious and watery. He couldn't tell her about Regulus, not now. The wound was just too fresh and he couldn't handle her pity right now. "Why Snape? Why him?"

She looked taken aback as she considered his words. Why _had _she chosen Severus? He seemed such a distant memory now as she looked at the man in front of her.Sirius had the same quality that had attracted her to Severus, the same darkness, the same rugged passion. She had never even consideredSirius. He was too close to James. He would never even think of...would he?

Sirius stared at her disbelievingly. Here was Lily, James' sweet Lily, and she wanted a rough thrist with Snape? He had definitely never seen this side of her. From the look in her eyes he knew that no matter what he told her, she would go back to Snape. The need in her was so great that her whole body shook, her mind unable to find sanity until she had explored that part of herself.

What he did next was for both her sake and James'. He couldn't let her go to Snape. Not only would the mere thought completely destroy James, but Lily would likely get seriously hurt, perhaps even killed if she went to him. Death eaters were not known for their kindness towards muggleborns. But then again, that's what attracted her so much, he though to himself, the danger, the recklessness, the complete and utter abandonment of all rational thought.

He did the only thing he could think of doing to stop this mess. He pushed against the was and kissed her roughly, forcibly, his tongue sweeping into her mouth. He was lost for a moment, until the metallic taste of blood brought him back to his senses.

He pulled away abruptly, wanting to kick himself for being so violent with her. "Lily...I'm sorry...I didn't mean..." he was cut off when Lily kissed him back, just as roughly, just as fiercely, tears slowly falling down her face.

He felt her hands pull him closer, pressing her body against his, frantically rubbing herself against him. All rational thought in his mind was gone in an instant. Everything that had happened, all the anger, all the anguish, all the deep and overwhelming desire consumed him.

He pushed her back up against the wall and lifted her skirt, ripping open her blouse and tearing away her knickers. Lily moaned and the sound only increased his fervor. His rough hands roamed her hips and her arse as he sucked and bit into her breast. She responded by quickly unzipping his pants and pulling them down slightly. A moment later, she felt his talented lips back on hers, his kiss deep and almost ferocious.

He pulled her leg up and entered her roughly, pounding into her with such force that the sound of her arse hitting the wall resounded throughout the room. Lily was caught up in the intensity, half scared, half frantic at the feel of him in her.

She opened her eyes and stared at him. His beautiful black hair falling into his not clouded grey eyes. His usually smooth face, rugged and tired and so passionate, so intense, so caught up in what they were doing. She then remembered how _wrong _this was, fucking James best friend, beautiful rebellious Sirius up against a wall. With that thought she came hard, wave after wave washing through her, screaming his name.

The sound of her voice, urgent and passionate, was enough to put him over the edge. He grabbed her waist violently when he came, bruising her with his strong hands.

He leaned his head into her shoulder and they both stood for a moment, trying to catch their breaths.

He pulled out of her and lowered her leg. She stumbled and almost fell over, unable to support her own weight. Her inner thighs were bruised and raw and she had just come more intensely that she had ever thought possible.

Sirius held her up, leaning his forehead against hers for a moment, still breathing heavily. "Lily," he said slowly looking concerned at her bruises "are you okay?" She nodded, but her whole body was still unsteady and quivering.

He led her to the bed and held her, whispering to her softly as waited for her shaking to subside. He knew this had been what she had wanted to experience, something angry and passionate and senseless. But he also knew that the intensity of it had been more than she had anticipated. He stroked his hands up and down her arms, trying to reassure her.

She knew why he had done it. She knew he had wanted to protect her by doing this and that it would stay between the two of them. And although it had been just what she had needed, just what she had been craving for so long, she knew it wouldn't happen again. Now that she understood it, now that she had felt it, she knew she could go back to James, although she would never look at Sirius quite the same way again.

"Thank you Sirius."


End file.
